SPECIALTY · RELATIONAL TRAUMA
The wounds that came
from the people closest to you.
The thing that hurt you — connection — is also what heals it. This work is careful, boundaried, and done at your pace.
Some of the most lasting damage doesn’t come from strangers or disasters. It comes from the people who were supposed to be safe — parents who were unpredictable or absent, partners who shifted what was real, systems that failed at exactly the wrong moment. Relational trauma is complicated because the wound happened in the very thing you need in order to heal.
It shows up in how you trust (or can’t), how close you let people get, and in the way you brace for things to fall apart even when they’re going well. You may have learned to read rooms faster than most people, to manage others’ emotions before your own, to disappear into competence rather than ask for what you need. These aren’t pathologies. They’re intelligent adaptations to an environment that wasn’t safe — and they can be unlearned.
You are not what was done to you.
Heidegger wrote about Mitsein — “being-with” — as a fundamental dimension of human existence. We are social animals at the deepest structural level. Relational trauma doesn’t just hurt; it disrupts something essential about how we exist. That’s why it can feel so pervasive — and why healing requires relational repair, not just individual insight.
From an ACT perspective, relational trauma installs rules that feel like facts: Don’t get close. If you trust, you’ll be betrayed. Love means chaos. These patterns developed for good reasons and can be gently examined and revised. The goal isn’t to become someone who trusts blindly — it’s to be able to choose how close to let people get, based on your values and the actual evidence in front of you, rather than having that choice made for you by the past.
I bring personal experience of relational trauma to this work. I know what it is to wonder if your experience was real, or to feel the floor drop out under a relationship you thought was solid.
Where the work focuses
EMDR
Particularly effective for diffuse relational trauma that doesn’t fit into a single incident. EMDR works directly with the brain’s processing system to reduce the emotional charge of difficult memories — making room for new ways of being in relationship.
Trauma-Focused CBT
When relational trauma has left specific beliefs in its wake — “I’m too much,” “I’ll always be abandoned,” “closeness is dangerous” — we examine those beliefs directly and build new, evidence-based alternatives.
ACT for Relational Patterns
Relational trauma installs rules that feel like facts: don’t get close, trust means danger, love means loss. ACT helps examine those rules with curiosity — and make choices about closeness based on your values rather than your history.
DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness
Evidence-based skills for managing relational conflict, holding limits, and navigating the emotional intensity that relational wounds create. Practical, research-backed, and directly relevant to the patterns trauma has installed.
You deserve relationships that feel safe.
That starts with one. A free 15-minute consultation, no pressure, to see whether this is a fit.